CnC

I've had an account on www.collarncuffs.com for some time.  When I first found the site, I was hit by how genuine the majority of the people I interacted with on the site were.  They were realistic, they were honest, and the point of the site was not to titillate but to inform and empower.  In fact, I suspect that much of what goes on there is counteracting fantasies developed by the porn industry, fantasies which are exaggerated and inflated and simply don't generally work in real life.

Beyond all of the information, however, there is also the community: individuals who have been there, struggled with that, and found solutions to this.  Of course, there are individuals on the other end, as well:  those who are trying to figure things out, how to get things to work and solve issues.  Because of the honesty of these individuals, I think there is far more value to the community at CnC than most sites that might be compared on the internet, and much more to be potentially gained by becoming and being a part of this community.

So, I spent time nosing around, reading the informational stuff, reading the forums, and even chatting occasionally.  My Mistress, however, had no positive interest in the site.  I suspect that she thought of it much as she thinks about pornography: wasted time, and worse.  After several eloquent and passionate pleas (alright, I might have just read her a few posts, and showed her a couple of my own), she agreed to create an account and look around.

She did so, and I cannot decide who is more surprised, she or I.  As with 24/7, she seemed to enjoy herself on CnC; she had fun reading a number of the posts (particularly those of RedWench, who reminds her of a friend she once had) and looking around (she loved MissBonnies little animated .gif ). 

We shall see, I suppose, whether she continues to frequent the site, and whether she finds any value in the vast array of information gathered over time there.  I certainly hope she will;  whether or not she does or we do, I am certain the site will be of great use to many individuals and couples for some time to come.

From his Formerly Reluctant Mistress

My slave has made a request for me to write a post. I am doing so, not because he wishes it, but because I think it will add depth.


I have been married to my slave for a little over four years. It's interesting to look at how things have changed so much since the beginning of our marriage. Originally, he wanted me to do kinky things to him and become his Mistress. I had absolutely no desire to do so. Therefore, we settled into a very uneasy compromise: I would do much more than I wanted, and he would receive much less than he wanted. We also tried, at one point when I was beyond frustrated, going with no kink at all. I have never seen my husband more miserable. I knew I had to simply do kinky things and get over my distaste for them.


I suppose much of the problem lies in the fact that I am a pacifist. I dislike confrontation in all its forms. When I am required to do something that feels even remotely confrontational, I literally start shaking/ sweating/ feeling nauseous at even the thought of it. It takes hours afterwards for me to finally calm down. I am also a very giving person. I'm not saying that to brag; it's one of my few talents. It can also become a curse, though, because I will steamroll over myself in order to help another person. So when my sub approached me a little while ago and suggested that we try a Femdom relationship, I was immediately turned off by the idea. The idea of forcing someone else to help me, and doing so in a domineering way, really went against the grain, especially because it wouldn't have to occur once, or twice, but on a consistent basis. I knew, though, that something needed to change, because our otherwise blissful marriage had such a sour streak running through it when it came to all things sexual.


So I decided to give it a try. Actually, we attempted it once for about two weeks. It didn't go well at all. I think this is due to my slave topping from the bottom, and getting too many orgasms; he is never so submissive as when he craves sexual satisfaction. I did realize, though, that I do have a sadistic streak. I don't get sexually aroused by said sadism; I merely find it extremely funny when he's crying out and struggling. I think that gave both of us hope for the future.


Anyway, after some discussion afterward, we realized some of the problems with our test run. So we decided to try again. I have been, quite honestly, shocked at my response. I honestly thought I'd hate it. And, to be honest, there are moments where I wish it would all go away and we could have a vanilla relationship. For the most part, though, I have taken charge and enjoyed it. I think it's because I'm doing what I want to do. If he craves attention that I'm not willing to give, I stick him in time-out in the bathtub. If he wants to make a request and I don't want to hear it, I tell him to be silent. I like to cook, so I still do most of the cooking around the house, but I no longer prepare our menus by wondering what he will like. In fact, some of the meals I've made are ones that I know he won't, just because I find it so funny. I also decided that my slave does not need any orgasms ever again (after I made my slave research the health consequences of infrequent orgasms).


I guess what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy Femdom for the most part. I have hope that this will be a successful endeavor, even if we have to restart a few times. If I can enjoy it, maybe other women can. For the moment, I'm simply reveling in the fact that I am, can, and will be a successful Mistress! It may not be for everyone, but if there are any reluctant women reading this blog, I hope that my words can inspire you to realize that you deserve to be taken care of, and the positives will outweigh the negatives, given sufficient communication and even a small desire to do so.

Pleasure in Servitude

A day and a half in, and I am far more docile, responsive, and helpful than at any time before in our marriage. In the past, I have avoided changing our childrens' diapers like the plague, particularly when it is not just urine. Call me a bad husband, but I gag and feel bile upon seeing and catching a whiff of the excrement. I am so horny though, and I so badly crave my wife's attentions that when she instructed me to change their diapers, there was only a brief hesitation: I looked pleadingly at my wife, she glared back, and I complied with her 'request'. Cleaning house, shopping, changing diapers, cooking dinners...none of these are things I enjoy or wish to do. I have generally avoided them traditionally. But now....

I know that the chances of being granted an orgasm during the week is exceptionally slim. If things continue as we have discussed, then orgasms will happen only every other week or so (and that only for health reasons; if we could successfully massage my prostate, then orgasms might well become entirely obsolete for me). Even then, those orgasms will probably be made as unpleasant or as lacking as possible, and timed such that getting me horny again afterward will be relatively easy for my wife.

Despite my knowledge of the fact that my changes of coming are next to non-existent, every time my wife so much as places cups her hand over my nipples, my penis becomes instantaneously fully erect, and I would beg (if she would permit it), say anything, or promise almost anything just for her to play with my nipples (which are the most erogenous parts of my body). So great is my arousal that I will almost reflexively begin humping the bed if I am unrestrained (while eventually we intend to purchase a custom chastity device, the ones we have tried so far have all been found severely wanting; for the moment, we rely on the threat of extraordinarily severe punishment and a scrub-pad inserted in my underwear to make humping movements uncomfortable).

Is it worthwhile for me? Yes, as the sexual activity I most enjoy is being controlled, dominated, and sexually tormented. Is it worthwhile for her? Well, she certainly appreciates the chores and attentions I have been giving her. She certainly appreciates the fact that if I begin acting or speaking out about my arousal or cravings, she can easily correct and stop such behavior. Are the benefits to her worth dealing with her dislike of dominating me? I suppose we shall see.

So It Begins

We have struggled, my wife and I, for a number of years in our relationship because of different preferences when it comes to the bedroom. She loves sex of the vanilla sort. I love BDSM and kink. We have tried over the years to find some place in between, or alternating between our sexual preferences. None of them were particularly successful.

Overall, we have a wonderful relationship. We have never had an argument in earnest, have never raised our voices at each other, and we are generally very good at communicating with each other. That being said, having done a little reading and a little research, we decided to attempt Femdom/female-led (or a variation of it).

My wife does not particularly enjoy dominating me; she does not particularly enjoy BDSM of any variety. She actively dislikes anything more 'dirty'. She does have a small sadistic streak, but it is not at all sexual in nature for her. However, we hope that the benefits to her of such an arrangement will outweigh her distaste.

For my part, I have loved and fantasized about BDSM for as long as I have thought about women and sex. While I do enjoy vanilla sex, when I begin getting really aroused, I generally begin craving kink. I would not in general call myself a thrill-seeker; I consider myself fairly conservative. However, I love diversity (especially of the kinky variety) in the bedroom. No, I am not interested in bringing anyone else into the bedroom. I do have a number of hard limits. There are many things that I consider morally wrong. But between my wife and myself? I like to be surprised. I like to be restrained, dominated, tormented, and humiliated. I like diversity. 

We decided, for this attempt, that there would be one key: my wife owns and controls my sexuality, and anything directly to it. From there, she may as she chooses expand her control as far as she likes. She has no obligation to me; if she wants vanilla sex five times a week, it is my responsibility to provide; certainly, if she were to choose to do so, there would be the distinct advantage that I would not get aroused enough to truly crave BDSM. As my submissiveness is often directly proportional to my arousal, this would result in a much more equal relationship (with the exception of sexually).

However, my wife decided in general to start with the opposite; my orgasms will be infrequent at best, and she elected to exert control over a good deal more than just my sexuality. All of this...was decided while I was away on a month-long business trip, during which I was permitted no sexual release. By the time I arrived home late yesterday evening, I was extremely horny, and feeling more submissive than I ever have prior.

She reviewed the 'Ownership Manual' I wrote, which included rules, rituals, rewards, punishments, and instructions and information on a variety of subjects. She gave the rough draft her approval, and so we begin.