From his Formerly Reluctant Mistress

My slave has made a request for me to write a post. I am doing so, not because he wishes it, but because I think it will add depth.


I have been married to my slave for a little over four years. It's interesting to look at how things have changed so much since the beginning of our marriage. Originally, he wanted me to do kinky things to him and become his Mistress. I had absolutely no desire to do so. Therefore, we settled into a very uneasy compromise: I would do much more than I wanted, and he would receive much less than he wanted. We also tried, at one point when I was beyond frustrated, going with no kink at all. I have never seen my husband more miserable. I knew I had to simply do kinky things and get over my distaste for them.


I suppose much of the problem lies in the fact that I am a pacifist. I dislike confrontation in all its forms. When I am required to do something that feels even remotely confrontational, I literally start shaking/ sweating/ feeling nauseous at even the thought of it. It takes hours afterwards for me to finally calm down. I am also a very giving person. I'm not saying that to brag; it's one of my few talents. It can also become a curse, though, because I will steamroll over myself in order to help another person. So when my sub approached me a little while ago and suggested that we try a Femdom relationship, I was immediately turned off by the idea. The idea of forcing someone else to help me, and doing so in a domineering way, really went against the grain, especially because it wouldn't have to occur once, or twice, but on a consistent basis. I knew, though, that something needed to change, because our otherwise blissful marriage had such a sour streak running through it when it came to all things sexual.


So I decided to give it a try. Actually, we attempted it once for about two weeks. It didn't go well at all. I think this is due to my slave topping from the bottom, and getting too many orgasms; he is never so submissive as when he craves sexual satisfaction. I did realize, though, that I do have a sadistic streak. I don't get sexually aroused by said sadism; I merely find it extremely funny when he's crying out and struggling. I think that gave both of us hope for the future.


Anyway, after some discussion afterward, we realized some of the problems with our test run. So we decided to try again. I have been, quite honestly, shocked at my response. I honestly thought I'd hate it. And, to be honest, there are moments where I wish it would all go away and we could have a vanilla relationship. For the most part, though, I have taken charge and enjoyed it. I think it's because I'm doing what I want to do. If he craves attention that I'm not willing to give, I stick him in time-out in the bathtub. If he wants to make a request and I don't want to hear it, I tell him to be silent. I like to cook, so I still do most of the cooking around the house, but I no longer prepare our menus by wondering what he will like. In fact, some of the meals I've made are ones that I know he won't, just because I find it so funny. I also decided that my slave does not need any orgasms ever again (after I made my slave research the health consequences of infrequent orgasms).


I guess what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy Femdom for the most part. I have hope that this will be a successful endeavor, even if we have to restart a few times. If I can enjoy it, maybe other women can. For the moment, I'm simply reveling in the fact that I am, can, and will be a successful Mistress! It may not be for everyone, but if there are any reluctant women reading this blog, I hope that my words can inspire you to realize that you deserve to be taken care of, and the positives will outweigh the negatives, given sufficient communication and even a small desire to do so.

True Sadism?

The other night, my Mistress texted me very specific instructions while she was gone, which were in two parts.  The first part involved doing something specific to myself, the second part was sitting in the bathtub until she came home (my submissive's place, in many ways; if she wants me out of the way without worrying about me, she sends me there).  I performed the first part exactly as instructed.  The second part...I did briefly, but my distaste and discomfort overcame my desire to obey, and I cleaned myself up and left the bathtub, in direct contradiction of her orders.

I have mentioned to my Mistress before that harder+faster in relation to spankings is likely not the worst 'punishment' or 'torture'.  After discovering how much more effective the 'Torment' program was than the 'Bee-stings' program with the ET-312, we discussed how she could apply that to spanking:  make the blows a bit slower and more deliberate, to give the pain time to sink in, and to give me time to anticipate how much the next blow was going to hurt, hit me really hard occasionally so I knew how much it could hurt without a need to hit me that hard the whole time, and talk to me while she was spanking me, telling me things like "you are really going to be hurting by the time I am done with you, but you know you deserve it"  and "oh, don't worry; I'm just getting started".

The result was interesting; while she has spanked me before using a variety of implements (crop, flogger, plastic mixing spoon, bare hand, bamboo mixing spoon), none of those ever compared to the spanking she gave me last night.  It wasn't that the overall or average pain was really that much worse, I don't think.  I think it really was the fear that I felt while I lay there waiting for each blow, knowing that each one was going to hurt. 

What surprised me most though was the fact that she was causing me more pain than in any other session we have had with one or perhaps two exceptions, she enjoyed herself.  She enjoyed spanking me and making it hurt.  I suspect she enjoyed it when I squirmed around (I was not restrained).  I would not be surprised if she enjoyed the noises I made.

This is surprising to me because I do not think she has ever really enjoyed causing me any real quantity of pain; sure, a few blows of the crop or smacks with a rubber band, but nothing like that.  It also inspires a little more erotic fear (as well as fear of punishment).

More and more recently I've concluded that fear or anxiety in these situations is a turn-on.  While I do not generally enjoy fear or suspense (I detest thrillers, though I have never hand any issues actually watching them.  I just don't like that style of movie), it seems almost if I am a little afraid, it is because I am helpless, I know what is coming, I can't stop it, and my Mistress is truly in control and willing to exercise her will and power over me.

I don't know if her own breed of sadism will spread, and she will begin to enjoy other torments, tortures, and punishments more.  I don't know if it could be made deeper, so that she enjoyed causing me greater pains.  Frankly, I'm not sure how much I care.  The fact that I know that she can enjoy causing me pain is enough to make me just that little bit more anxious every time she exerts any power over me, and I like it.