My slave has made a request for me to write a post. I am doing so, not because he wishes it, but because I think it will add depth.
I have been married to my slave for a little over four years. It's interesting to look at how things have changed so much since the beginning of our marriage. Originally, he wanted me to do kinky things to him and become his Mistress. I had absolutely no desire to do so. Therefore, we settled into a very uneasy compromise: I would do much more than I wanted, and he would receive much less than he wanted. We also tried, at one point when I was beyond frustrated, going with no kink at all. I have never seen my husband more miserable. I knew I had to simply do kinky things and get over my distaste for them.
I suppose much of the problem lies in the fact that I am a pacifist. I dislike confrontation in all its forms. When I am required to do something that feels even remotely confrontational, I literally start shaking/ sweating/ feeling nauseous at even the thought of it. It takes hours afterwards for me to finally calm down. I am also a very giving person. I'm not saying that to brag; it's one of my few talents. It can also become a curse, though, because I will steamroll over myself in order to help another person. So when my sub approached me a little while ago and suggested that we try a Femdom relationship, I was immediately turned off by the idea. The idea of forcing someone else to help me, and doing so in a domineering way, really went against the grain, especially because it wouldn't have to occur once, or twice, but on a consistent basis. I knew, though, that something needed to change, because our otherwise blissful marriage had such a sour streak running through it when it came to all things sexual.
So I decided to give it a try. Actually, we attempted it once for about two weeks. It didn't go well at all. I think this is due to my slave topping from the bottom, and getting too many orgasms; he is never so submissive as when he craves sexual satisfaction. I did realize, though, that I do have a sadistic streak. I don't get sexually aroused by said sadism; I merely find it extremely funny when he's crying out and struggling. I think that gave both of us hope for the future.
Anyway, after some discussion afterward, we realized some of the problems with our test run. So we decided to try again. I have been, quite honestly, shocked at my response. I honestly thought I'd hate it. And, to be honest, there are moments where I wish it would all go away and we could have a vanilla relationship. For the most part, though, I have taken charge and enjoyed it. I think it's because I'm doing what I want to do. If he craves attention that I'm not willing to give, I stick him in time-out in the bathtub. If he wants to make a request and I don't want to hear it, I tell him to be silent. I like to cook, so I still do most of the cooking around the house, but I no longer prepare our menus by wondering what he will like. In fact, some of the meals I've made are ones that I know he won't, just because I find it so funny. I also decided that my slave does not need any orgasms ever again (after I made my slave research the health consequences of infrequent orgasms).
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy Femdom for the most part. I have hope that this will be a successful endeavor, even if we have to restart a few times. If I can enjoy it, maybe other women can. For the moment, I'm simply reveling in the fact that I am, can, and will be a successful Mistress! It may not be for everyone, but if there are any reluctant women reading this blog, I hope that my words can inspire you to realize that you deserve to be taken care of, and the positives will outweigh the negatives, given sufficient communication and even a small desire to do so.
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