Pleasure in Servitude

A day and a half in, and I am far more docile, responsive, and helpful than at any time before in our marriage. In the past, I have avoided changing our childrens' diapers like the plague, particularly when it is not just urine. Call me a bad husband, but I gag and feel bile upon seeing and catching a whiff of the excrement. I am so horny though, and I so badly crave my wife's attentions that when she instructed me to change their diapers, there was only a brief hesitation: I looked pleadingly at my wife, she glared back, and I complied with her 'request'. Cleaning house, shopping, changing diapers, cooking dinners...none of these are things I enjoy or wish to do. I have generally avoided them traditionally. But now....

I know that the chances of being granted an orgasm during the week is exceptionally slim. If things continue as we have discussed, then orgasms will happen only every other week or so (and that only for health reasons; if we could successfully massage my prostate, then orgasms might well become entirely obsolete for me). Even then, those orgasms will probably be made as unpleasant or as lacking as possible, and timed such that getting me horny again afterward will be relatively easy for my wife.

Despite my knowledge of the fact that my changes of coming are next to non-existent, every time my wife so much as places cups her hand over my nipples, my penis becomes instantaneously fully erect, and I would beg (if she would permit it), say anything, or promise almost anything just for her to play with my nipples (which are the most erogenous parts of my body). So great is my arousal that I will almost reflexively begin humping the bed if I am unrestrained (while eventually we intend to purchase a custom chastity device, the ones we have tried so far have all been found severely wanting; for the moment, we rely on the threat of extraordinarily severe punishment and a scrub-pad inserted in my underwear to make humping movements uncomfortable).

Is it worthwhile for me? Yes, as the sexual activity I most enjoy is being controlled, dominated, and sexually tormented. Is it worthwhile for her? Well, she certainly appreciates the chores and attentions I have been giving her. She certainly appreciates the fact that if I begin acting or speaking out about my arousal or cravings, she can easily correct and stop such behavior. Are the benefits to her worth dealing with her dislike of dominating me? I suppose we shall see.

So It Begins

We have struggled, my wife and I, for a number of years in our relationship because of different preferences when it comes to the bedroom. She loves sex of the vanilla sort. I love BDSM and kink. We have tried over the years to find some place in between, or alternating between our sexual preferences. None of them were particularly successful.

Overall, we have a wonderful relationship. We have never had an argument in earnest, have never raised our voices at each other, and we are generally very good at communicating with each other. That being said, having done a little reading and a little research, we decided to attempt Femdom/female-led (or a variation of it).

My wife does not particularly enjoy dominating me; she does not particularly enjoy BDSM of any variety. She actively dislikes anything more 'dirty'. She does have a small sadistic streak, but it is not at all sexual in nature for her. However, we hope that the benefits to her of such an arrangement will outweigh her distaste.

For my part, I have loved and fantasized about BDSM for as long as I have thought about women and sex. While I do enjoy vanilla sex, when I begin getting really aroused, I generally begin craving kink. I would not in general call myself a thrill-seeker; I consider myself fairly conservative. However, I love diversity (especially of the kinky variety) in the bedroom. No, I am not interested in bringing anyone else into the bedroom. I do have a number of hard limits. There are many things that I consider morally wrong. But between my wife and myself? I like to be surprised. I like to be restrained, dominated, tormented, and humiliated. I like diversity. 

We decided, for this attempt, that there would be one key: my wife owns and controls my sexuality, and anything directly to it. From there, she may as she chooses expand her control as far as she likes. She has no obligation to me; if she wants vanilla sex five times a week, it is my responsibility to provide; certainly, if she were to choose to do so, there would be the distinct advantage that I would not get aroused enough to truly crave BDSM. As my submissiveness is often directly proportional to my arousal, this would result in a much more equal relationship (with the exception of sexually).

However, my wife decided in general to start with the opposite; my orgasms will be infrequent at best, and she elected to exert control over a good deal more than just my sexuality. All of this...was decided while I was away on a month-long business trip, during which I was permitted no sexual release. By the time I arrived home late yesterday evening, I was extremely horny, and feeling more submissive than I ever have prior.

She reviewed the 'Ownership Manual' I wrote, which included rules, rituals, rewards, punishments, and instructions and information on a variety of subjects. She gave the rough draft her approval, and so we begin.